You May Not Be as 'Right' as Your Friends Say
A look at what Shane Parrish wisely points out
We want to be correct and we enjoy it when we are and we love when people we choose to let into our lives validate our emotions, feelings and conclusions. There’s a significant potential problem with that however, one noted thinker states.
"Surrounding yourself with people who tell you you're right doesn't mean you are,” writes Shane Parrish at Farnam Street. "And once you dive into the warm water of group acceptance, it's hard to get back out."
This might not seem troublesome when we feel we are almost always “right” or we are full of intense reaction emotion yet being convinced we are correct when the facts and truth say otherwise is dangerous territory.
“I have seen the detrimental impact of staying in echo chambers,” says Marci Rossi, a success coach who helps people ditch unhealthy coping mechanisms.
She explains what the reality can be a conflict of that might which is actually present.
“If everyone around you is telling you you’re right, perhaps you are but if we surround ourselves with only people who think exactly like we do, we are missing out on the opportunity to see another point of view,” Rossi says. “This is one of the many reasons there is an emphasis on diversity in our current culture right now; diversity breeds new thinking, new ideas, new perspectives.”
“It's easy to create echo chambers where our ideas reverberate, seemingly validated by those around us,” says Deborah Gilman, Ph.D. and the owner and chief licensed psychologist at Fox Chapel Psychological Services. “As Shane Parrish aptly noted, ‘Surrounding yourself with people who tell you you're right doesn't mean you are.’ This sentiment rings a crucial truth: our perceptions of being right aren't always accurate, even if our social circles echo our beliefs.”
She explains why we seek validation, especially in vulnerable emotional states.
“Human nature gravitates toward affirmation. When our opinions are echoed by those around us, it's comforting. We feel validated, secure in our beliefs,” Gilman says.
That doesn’t mean risks don’t emerge.
“However, this constant agreement isn't a guarantee of truth,” Gilman offers as a reminder. “It's an illusion, a mirage of validation that can mislead us into assuming infallibility.”
She details what can be transpiring.
“Echo chambers, be they social circles or digital networks, reinforce our beliefs by filtering out dissenting opinions. They create an illusion of unanimity, shielding us from dissenting voices,” Gilman explains. “Inside these chambers, disagreement feels like an intrusion, a disruption to the comfort of agreement.”
Bringing ourselves to the point where we can intellectually question our belief that we're right and the validation we’re receiving can be challenging.
“We can be intentional about seeking opinions outside our normal sounding board,” Rossi suggests. “Look around at the people you’re soliciting opinions from. Do they look like you? Are they the same age, gender, have the same educational background? Are they at the same professional level? If so, perhaps our decision or belief could benefit from another point of view.”
Gilman offers a five-step response to protect ourselves from believing our falsehoods.
“Cultivate Intellectual Humility: Acknowledge that our understanding might have limitations. True wisdom lies in recognizing the vastness of what we don't know.
“Seek Diverse Perspectives: Actively engage with individuals who hold different views. Listen, empathize, and learn from their perspectives. It broadens our understanding.
“Question Your Assumptions: Regularly challenge your beliefs. Ask yourself why you believe what you do and whether evidence supports it. Be open to adjusting your viewpoint based on new information.
“Encourage Constructive Criticism: Surround yourself with people who respectfully challenge your ideas. Constructive criticism fosters growth and refines our thinking.
“Escape the Echo Chamber: Step outside the bubble of your social circles. Diversify your sources of information and engage with dissenting viewpoints,” she says.
Going back to the warning Parrish offered, if facts and truth matter:
"And once you dive into the warm water of group acceptance, it's hard to get back out,” he says.
That’s psychological and habit of human nature.
“Who doesn’t love being told they’re right?” Rossi rhetorically asks, setting up her point, “It’s easy to fall into this trap, to hear what we want to hear and not pursue the issue further, but if we do, we run the risk of being blindsided, of encountering results or consequences that we hadn’t imagined.”
That’s not attractive to the brain yet it’s also not an obstacle that is impossible to overcome.
“If we can recognize the importance of diversity and take steps to ensure that our inner circle reflects this, we can feel even more confident in our decisions knowing that we have all, or simply just more of, the variables,” she adds.
Coming to realize what is likely to happen if we get overly attached to acceptance is part of the battle.
“Realizing the risk and pitfall of getting entrenched in the warm waters of group acceptance often comes through experiencing the consequences and recognizing certain signs,” Gilman says. “Often, firsthand experience is the most impactful teacher.”
Bad experiences get remembered.
“When we've faced situations where our beliefs were unquestioningly supported by a group, and later realized potential flaws or biases, it becomes a learning moment,” Gilman says. “Recognizing instances where group acceptance might have clouded judgment can serve as a wake-up call. Reflecting on past decisions or beliefs can highlight instances where group acceptance influenced our choices. Feedback from individuals outside our immediate social circles can be illuminating.”
Gilman too touts diversity of thought.
“If we consistently receive feedback that we're enclosed within a specific mindset or group mentality, it could indicate a lack of diverse perspectives in our interactions. If dissenting opinions are shut down, diverse viewpoints are dismissed or there's an overall resistance to considering alternative perspectives within a group, it might indicate a tendency towards groupthink and excessive reliance on acceptance,” she explains.
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