Why Our 'Filters' are Vital to Understand
Sometimes we don’t know what we don’t know, not only about others but also, ourselves. That can create trouble in interactions and relationships and for what we and others hope to accomplish.
This is why it’s important to understand that our communication filters impact how people receive communication. Learn this well and we will relate more, interact better and travel more successfully through life, professionally and personally.
Those filters, wrote Janine Schindler at Forbes, affect how we convey and process information. “Our personal experiences and upbringing help shape the development of our communication style and perception of the world.”
Schindler is a leadership coach and facilitator at The Left-Brained Analytical Leader and the founder at JAS Leadership. This article touches on her main points and dives deeper for expanded insights from sources for Communication Intelligence.
We should beware of cloudy filters, Schindler advised, because that “dust” “from the past can distort our perception of interactions on a daily basis.”
Distortion can’t result in effectiveness or efficiency of communication, interactions and relationships when we are “applying past experiences to present-day situations” that do not align with the reality of a given moment.
It means, she adds, that we “should examine their own filters.”
This can be helped, Schindler suggested, by asking questions and taking a moment to thoughtfully, honestly reflect:
“What past experiences are shaping how we receive information?
“What feelings keep popping up in certain situations that might be indicative of our own filters?
“Have there been encounters with colleagues where we were unable to see eye to eye and how might our filter have been a part of that inability to communicate?”
These questions, if asked and thought about honestly, could reveal the needed answers for breakthrough.
“Maybe… things were interpreted in a different way than they were intended,” Schindler wrote.
Our natural or chosen filters are difficult to develop self awareness about which is why it can be helpful to be introspective.
Communication Intelligence was curious what filters have impacted people in a way that wasn't helpful or was damaging and how they responded to the experiences.
“Early in my leadership career, I had a powerful but problematic filter shaped by growing up in predominantly white professional spaces where Black women were often seen as either invisible or threatening,” says Patrice Williams Lindo, a career coach, leadership development specialist and CEO at Career Nomad, a consultancy dedicated to transformative leadership development.
“That filter meant I entered high-stakes conversations already bracing for harm: scanning for tone, hierarchy or dismissiveness — which sometimes led me to overcorrect with either withdrawal or excessive formality.”
She vividly recalls an experience that deeply impacted her.
“One moment that changed me,” Williams Lindo begins, “a white male leader casually dismissed an idea I had offered, only to praise it later when a peer reframed it. My instinct was to shut down, assuming this was racial and gender bias and maybe it was.
“But I also realized my internal filter had me defaulting to survival mode instead of strategic mode. I hadn’t left room for possibility or clarification — just protection.”
The illumination helped her develop understanding for reframing in a helpful manner.
“What I learned was this,” Williams Lindo teaches, “filters that are rooted in truth still require examination if we want to lead.”
That led to a personal prompt she developed and uses.
“I now ask myself: ‘Is this response about the moment or about a memory?’ That pause alone has helped me rewrite how I respond, with clarity instead of reaction,” Williams Lindo says. “I still honor my instinct but I filter it through purpose, not pain.”
“A leader or anyone's filters develop over time and are the sum of their life experiences,” says Bill Barrington, an ICF-accredited leadership coach and the founder at Barrington Leadership Group, which focuses on leadership development through 1-on-1 coaching, workshops and Keynote speeches.
“Positive experience with a person or organization will bias our thoughts towards them in the future and negative experiences create a negative filter for future interactions.”
It naturally, definitively affects our subconscious and conscious actions.
“This impacts our listening and response mechanisms,” says Barrington, who spent 27 years in the United States Air Force. “When in conversation, are we listening to understand or listening to respond? Are we actually formulating our response in our head rather than listening to the other person talk?
“When I became aware of this difference, it began to shift the conversations I had at work and home.”
He elaborates:
“Listening to understand the fundamental cares and limitations of the other person and communicating yours to them, allows for a richer discussion and a solution, usually much more that is beneficial for everyone involved.”
He began to see interactions more in the macro than the micro.
“Rather than believing my job or area was most important, I was able to develop solutions that benefited all parties,” Barrington says.
Filters can also develop from how we live and what we like and dislike, says another source.
“I’m a 55-year-old man that spends the vast majority of my life living, working and raising a family around the NYC metro area. That’s just one of many filters that impact how I receive and share information,” says Lewis Goldberg, a managing partner who leads the public relations and crisis communications practice at KCSA Strategic Communications.
“I’m also a science fiction nerd. I’m incredibly curious and inquisitive and I question everything. That’s another filter. I’ve got my childhood experiences that inform so much of how I receive and respond.”
He has come to realize and know who he is and how it affects, helps or hurts how he engages with others.
“I’m awash in my filters and have spent years and years trying to understand them, accept them and adjust them,” Goldberg says.
“Lesson learned: Your default setting isn’t going to match everyone else’s. And that’s not a bug, it’s a feature, if you allow it to be.”
Aware of Filters: The Benefit and Next Move
“By understanding that these communication filters exist in all of us, leaders are in a better position to examine and possibly readjust their language and communication strategies to receive input without unintentional biases, as well as better provide clear messaging,” Schindler wrote.
We can, with applied knowledge, poise and developed skills, become more effective one-way and two-way communicators.
“Being aware of these filters has allowed me to consider other options by taking a step back from my own position and looking from different points of view,” Barrington says.
“If someone has a strongly-held belief that is opposed to mine, getting curious about what is underlying their belief can allow us to find common ground that we agree on.
“This creates the basis of a working relationship and development of trust. Once trust is formed, it becomes easier to explore the areas of disagreement for possible solutions.”
Identification and Heightened Awareness
“Today, I’m intentional about naming the context before the content, especially when leading cross-cultural or cross-generational teams,” Lindo Williams says.
“As a two-way communicator, I listen beyond the words for what someone really needs: validation, clarity or reprioritization. I also use ‘mirroring’ techniques to confirm understanding before jumping to solve.
“As a one-way communicator, I’ve learned how to frame messages that don’t just inform, they invite action. My voice now carries authority and care because I’ve removed the defensiveness that once diluted my impact.”
It has assisted her in meaningful ways.
“Without this evolution, I would’ve never launched a global platform (Career Nomad), never led multimillion-dollar transformation projects across continents and certainly never would’ve been trusted to shape the visibility strategies of other underrepresented professionals navigating their own filters,” Williams Lindo says.
She’s become a stronger, more influential, persuasive and effective communicator.
“My communication now isn’t just clearer, it’s catalytic. And that’s the difference between being heard and being hired.”
Remembering the Ears
“I used to think being a great communicator meant having the best arrangement of words. Turns out, it’s more about having the right ears,” Goldberg says. “Listening and I mean really listening has become my default operating system.”
He has observed a problem, one that he works at so it doesn’t become his weakness.
“Empathy is a muscle but it’s one most people allow to atrophy,” Goldberg points out.
“I work out my empathy muscle daily and bring its strength into every encounter I can. Putting myself into the other person’s shoes helps me better understand what they value and how to best align our goals and motives.”
He reports on the reality and his personal findings:
“Often, people are surprised at the effort an empathetic ear takes coupled with the significant impact it has. I refine it daily,” Goldberg says.
“Because of that shift, I built stronger client trust, helped my teams avoid unnecessary drama and created space for rising talent to not just learn but actually lead.”
He offers readers a takeaway that was hard earned.
“If I’d stuck with the ‘talk fast, think fast’ mindset, I’d have missed out on some of the most valuable relationships and best ideas I’ve ever been part of,” Goldberg says.
“These days, I still bring the edge but I pair it with curiosity. That’s what’s made me not just a better communicator, but a better advisor, manager and human.”
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Understanding our own communication filters is a game changer. It’s a reminder that great leadership starts with self-awareness and listening beyond words.