The Black Sheep: A Conversation
The courage to be one, the difference between a black sheep and someone whom isn't and how to know when to trust one
"Hey, I think we're headed off a cliff here."
“The black sheep usually doesn't follow the crowd because every once in a while, the crowd is literally going the wrong way,” a Facebook post communicated. “It takes a black sheep to stand out and say, ‘Hey, I think we're headed off a cliff here.’”
Not every person is willing to speak up. Identifying the one who is should be evident.
“We need to define and understand black sheep, a.k.a. disruptors or contrarians,” says says Jerry Brook, a relationship expert with a background as an industrial computer controls specialist.
“It all starts with asking relevant, meaningful and probing questions. Are the claims thorough? That is, have all of the possibilities… been taken into account and vetted?
This person may exhibit certain traits, including the strength to stand alone.
“The courage to be different comes from the position of belief in yourself and your abilities to ask and answer the necessary questions,” Brook says. “It is also a belief in the conclusions that you have reached. The stronger your belief, the greater your passion. The greater your passion, the more confident your conviction.”
There’s another angle to also consider.
“Speaking up, especially when the consequences might be social isolation and being ‘othered,’ requires a lot of courage for most people,” says Elizabeth Dorrance Hall, associate professor of communication at Michigan State University — and the director of the Family Communication and Relationships Lab — whose research focuses on marginalized group members, i.e., black sheep, in the workplace and family.
“Others might speak up due to a lack of social awareness, not understanding or being able to predict the social consequences,” she adds. “For those who understand the potential consequences and speak up anyway, it might be due to a strong desire to live authentically, in alignment with their beliefs and values.”
There is an interesting finding about the adaptability of these people.
“My research on marginalized family members has revealed that some black sheep know how to fit in and what it would take to get along with their family or other group but choose to be true to their identities and values instead,” says Dorrance Hall.
“Remembering that being authentic to one’s values and beliefs is the reason for going against the grain can help those who speak up remain resilient.”
There is a difference between a black sheep and a person who likes to disagree or argue for the sake of it.
“Black sheep feel different, disapproved of and excluded from a group or workplace from which they are a part,” Dorrance Hall explains. “Someone who always goes against the norm may not feel part of the in-group enough to be on the margins but instead may be in the outgroup.”
It is important to add that feeling partially included can feel worse than fully unwanted.
“Research has shown that it is often more painful to be on the margins of the ingroup than to be in the outgroup,” she adds.
For those who are willing to go against the common narrative, it’s wise to remember that not all assumptions and conclusions are accurate.
“Don’t assume that all things are counter to the prevailing narrative,” Brook advises. “Just as not everything is correct, not everything can be incorrect. Both of these positions are extremes, all or nothing. Reality is found somewhere in between.”
There are dynamics in workplaces that may stifle smart, helpful voices.
“In the workplace, power must be taken into account,” Dorrance Hall says as a reminder. “Employees who identify as experiencing marginalization often lack the power to make significant change. Their ideas might be ignored or dismissed.
“For members in marginalized positions, speaking up is exponentially harder than for those in high power positions. For this and other reasons, I would encourage people to always listen to what a black sheep is saying.”
There are benefits for authority and power in doing as Dorrance Hall recommends.
“Diverse opinions aid in creativity, problem solving and finding new ways forward,” she says. “Even if the group does not agree, taking their input seriously will strengthen relationships and may help the group find a solution or idea they would not have otherwise come up with.”
“Oversimplification takes probabilities and transforms them into impossibilities,” Brook warns, elaborating that, “There are alternatives to every hypothesis.”
He proposes questions to ponder and ask.
“What are the counter arguments to the claims?” Brook says. “For every point there is a counter point. Using these same criteria test their validity. Have the alternatives been fully and properly considered? What are the sources of the information?”
From there it’s important to look to different people with these queries.
“Ask the same questions of the sources,” Brook recommends. “Are the sources thorough? Have they themselves been validated? In all cases the focus needs to be on the message, not the messenger or messengers.”
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