Responding Best to Concerns at School

A former principal with more than two decades of experience shares her advisory

What to do when there is a concern at school
by Jennifer Eisenreich,
a former school principal and the founder at Shift Show Communication, a company that helps leaders in education and helps K-12 educators reignite their passion

August 21, 2024
A guest piece for Communication Intelligence

“The work of education,” Maria Montessori, a physician and educator best known for her philosophy of education, said, “is divided between the teacher and the environment.”

This month, millions of students head back to school. 

With kiddos out of sight for most of their day, anxious parents will work their hardest to squeeze details from tired kids about the bus, classroom, lunch and recess. As the school year goes by, there may be some concerns about school and it’s important to know who to turn to and how to get the most out of your communication. 

Classroom apps such as Class Dojo, Seesaw and Klassly provide an easy way to interact with school staff. Be sure to check backpacks, and sign up for the any kind of communication the school offers.

Classroom teachers will partner with you to share what students are learning at school, details about homework, assessments and special events.

Allowing grace when contacting the school is essential, as is giving at least 24 hours for return communication, since the staff coordinates hundreds of details and oversees thousands of interactions every day. 

Listen to stories without judging. 

“If children feel safe, they can take risks, ask questions, make mistakes, learn to trust, share their feelings and grow.” (Alfie Kohn)

When your child is ready to share stories about their day, try very hard to listen without interjecting feelings. By the time they are telling their story, many hours have likely passed, so details can be sketchy at best. When great things or funny stories are shared at home, share them from time to time with school personnel. They love to hear about them. A quick email or hand-written note goes a long way. Expressing joy about the school day will also encourage your child to want to share more. 

If you love to share details on social media, talking about the great things happening at school is a way to do so. 

Take problems back to the start. 

If something comes up that doesn’t sound right, try to determine as many clear details as possible without losing your temper and turn to the person at school who should have first-hand knowledge about the event. For example, if something happens on the bus, speak to the bus driver or call the transportation garage or department. 

One of the most important people at school is the secretary or administrative assistant. When unsure with whom to speak, give them a call and share the basics about your concern. Ask “Can you direct me to the person who supervises third grade students at lunch in the cafeteria?” 

School staff appreciate it when families are open to learning about the setting where an event occurred, what the expectations were in that moment and their understanding of a situation. A great way to start a conversation is by asking, “What can you tell me about the situation involving my child?”

My child would never….

It is okay if your child makes a mistake at home or school. 

It would be unheard of for a child to make it through a day without one. It is their “job” to make mistakes and ours to help them learn from them. 

If you receive notification about something that happened, remain calm, wait for the details and talk to your child, giving them the space to be honest about their mistake.

Teach them that growing up means taking responsibility.

Let them know that there is never a need to be dishonest about making a tough choice. The goal is learning, not punishment; to help them understand how their choice did not work and for them to make a better choice in the future.

Remember, little brains are developing until kids are in their 20’s, so in fact they do not know what they were thinking.

Making it safe to admit a misstep creates a trusting bond between kids and adults and opens lines of communication in the future. 

Taking events out of context and playing “What If” is frustrating and upsetting for both parents and kids. A good formula for talking about issues is: “This is what happened, this is what should have happened. This is the consequence if it happens again.” This simple 

No child wants to “get in trouble” so they may retell a story from a different perspective to protect themselves. That is developmentally appropriate.

It does not mean they want to lie or cover something up; they just don’t want to be scolded.

If you learn that your child has made a mistake at school or that they told you a different story from what took place, trust the adult at school.

They should want your child to have the best experience possible and should share what they know with honesty. 

Clear is kind. 

When you have a concern, speak honestly. Let the person responsible know what, within reason, you would like to happen.

A request for a seat change or prompt communication is appropriate. Asking for a child to be removed from a class, not so much.

When to call your “Pal”

A call to the principal should be reserved for concerns that have been addressed but continue to occur or one that has not been addressed after sharing. It might be tempting to “go straight to the top” with concerns. Doing so will not result in a more helpful outcome.

Talking to an administrator who does not possess firsthand understanding of the setting, participants and situation will delay a response, as they will need to investigate by speaking to others to, then consider their response.

In addition to time being lost, staff may become defensive, or begin to keep you at arm’s length, which hinders honest communication. 

Write or call?

While digital communication seems quick and may feel more comfortable, a phone call is the most efficient way to get to the bottom of a matter. Direct conversations make it more likely that you will get the information you need and less likely for a misunderstanding to occur.

Emails and text messages may be quick, but can create more misunderstandings since the translation of tone and intent are interpreted. 

The most important thing to remember is that everyone wants the best for your child, and with open, honest communication, it will be a winning team.

Jennifer Eisenreich spent 24 of her 30 years in education as a principal and still communicates with many of her former students and their families. Founder and CEO of Shift Show Communication, she helps leaders who want to better connect with their teams.