Political Differences With Friends: Engage or Avoid
Can an agreement to avoid such topics protect relationships
Talking about politics is risky business — emotionally, psychologically and relationship wise, even in the closest of personal relationships. Stress, tension and anger could be high. So maybe, in some cases, refraining from discussing social issues and the politics surrounding them could be protective.
Choosing not to converse about sociopolitical topics and the resulting differences of beliefs might feel difficult, if not intolerable, yet it may be workable to keep the peace.
“The discussion of politics is polarizing, creating deep divisions, making it difficult to find common ground,” says Lisa Mirza Grotts, a 23-year authority on etiquette. “You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. For many, it’s easier to abstain from the topic because of the negative consequences.”
That approach has supporters.
“I have to say, it's very refreshing,’ says Kraig Kleeman, the founder and CEO at The New Workforce. “Just focus on what you like in each other's company without
the problem of conflict.
“Now I know what you're thinking: Isn't it important to talk about serious things? Really! But there is a time and place for everything.”
There will be danger in talks about hot-button issues for other people when disagreement is present.
“There is never a situation where discussing politics is like your favorite pizza toppings, ideal vacation spots or best 90s bands,” says Richie Frieman, an etiquette specialist, also known as the Modern Manners Guy — and the author of “Reply All... And Other Ways to Tank Your Career.
”The bottom line is that people — friends, family, coworkers, etc. — will never change their minds by a louder tone being shouted at their face. Politics is one issue where a belief is so ingrained — and ingrained in someone (else) — that it governs their entire belief system.”
A friendship could strongly consider deciding to create a rule about not talking about politics, at least in certain social situations.
“Know your audience,” Mirza Grotts stresses.
“If you share similar political views, conversations will flow. If you’re with people who share different ones, approach with caution. If the subject comes up, acknowledge it then pivot to another subject.
“Staying neutral helps keep discussions organized and prevents conflict, allowing everyone’s perspectives to be respected.”
“Making a pledge to avoid politics doesn't mean avoiding important discussions,” Kleeman argues, offering guidance, “Choose the right time for them.
“To organize these kinds of activities, everyone must be on the same side. It's not about banning important things but about respecting the nature of personal events or productive work meetings. We are looking for a cool place where relationships can flourish without the burden of conflicting ideas.”
Some state that there is a low-probability for productive, peaceful interactions.
“Here's the quick rule: Don't talk about politics at all. There, done, you have it,” proposes Frieman. “There are three things that should never be brought up if you're looking for a calm, relatable and well-mannered discussion: Religion, politics and iPhone vs Android phones. These three topics always have a hard line that people do not want to cross.”
Making this work successfully in practice becomes the challenge.
“There’s a reason why politics and religion are taboo topics in social settings. They evoke strong emotions,” Mirza Grotts says. “Between personal beliefs and cultural sensitivities, when the conversation turns contentious, steer clear.”
What sounds simple in theory can be difficult in practice.
“This is hard to implement, I won't lie,” Kleeman admits. “Saying ‘hey, let's enjoy the game tonight and leave the argument for another time’ requires understanding and maturity.
“Yes, there are times when it's important to speak your mind, like when you're in an environment designed for conflict, when personal opinions are at their worst, when silence is not the solution.
“In practice, it is a question of balance,” Kleeman adds. “Start by carefully steering information away from landmines.”
There is also the case about politics in the workplace.
“When it comes to an office policy, the only rule should be to simply advise employees to not discuss politics,” Frieman recommends. “This should come from the top down.
“It's not stating that anyone is wrong or that it's wrong to talk politics — but it will always, always, always cause friction.
“In the workplace, with stress and pressure already a common theme, politics is something that could cause a deeper divide that may not be fixable.”
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