"I personally feel my mission, for the rest of my life going forward if that's what it takes, is to right a wrong." Recently, a formerly well-known public figure calmly made that verbal commitment. Diving under the surface of it, what are they communicating?
“Comments such as these are hyper-definitive and typically come from a place where the individual feels a strong sense of injustice, fault-related guilt or shame, or desire for a specific achievement,” says Dr. Joel Frank, Psy.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and neuropsychologist at Duality Psychological Services.
“For most individuals, following making such definitive statements, they might act in accordance with them for a short period,” Frank says. “As the emotional charge that prompted the initial statement wanes, their alignment with the statement also dissipates.”
At the same time, it remains possible for a person to not only mean what they say but deliver on that objective.
“Suppose an individual is able to maintain acting in a manner that is aligned with the initial comment,” Frank says. “In that case, (the promise) might indicate a strong willpower of the individual or the severity of the injustice, shame, or guilt they felt that prompted the response.”
As far as what drives people to communicate this type of promise to oneself or others or both and make good on it, there are certain reasons.
“The most common factors that lead an individual to make such definitive comments are a strong sense of injustice and fault-related guilt or shame. For these individuals, the circumstances that initially prompted the statement were perceived as so significant that the results of the situation caused severe internal distress,” Frank points out.
The intensity of that emotion and the psychology that accompanies it acts as a catalyst for proving to others and themselves that they are better people than they may have appeared to be when not living up to their, or maybe, other people’s values.
“This distress is so uncomfortable that they must verbally declare their commitment to altering the outcome. Whether they remain in unison with the comment is secondary to why the initial comment was made,” Frank concludes.