Making Work Communication Profitable
A 5-point, 3-source brief on doing communication smarter and more successfully
Adjustments to how we communicate professionally can impact our interactions and outcomes in highly-favorable ways.
Martin Zwilling, a business executive, entrepreneur and author, recently wrote an article with bright, beneficial recommendations that Communication Intelligence, the Newsletter, will give you today in this three-source, roundtable discussion.
"Communication must address content and relationship,” he stresses, adding that, “Every act of communication now has two messages: a content message and a relationship message. The content is what you want to say and the other half is how you express your attitudes and feelings.
“Either can get you valued and followed or rejected by your team and your customers."
That honest yet sharp reminder to organizational leaders about a critical importance could be illuminating and helpful. The three sources CIN spoke vote for it too.
“We often perceive ourselves, our teams and our customers as logical and rational entities,” says Christine Samuel, founder at Inner Work Matters, a coaching and training company dedicated to enhancing relational intelligence in the workplace.
“Yet, beneath this surface, it's undeniable that we are emotional and relational beings—we crave belonging and thrive on mutual respect. Every interaction inevitably creates meaning, which either brings us closer to others or distances us from them.”
She uses an analogy to illustrate.
“Consider this, just like complex information systems in technology, where vast data becomes valuable information only when it can be intelligently interpreted, our interactions as human beings require similar decoding.
“Your message isn’t just about conveying facts; it’s about crafting a narrative that resonates deeply with your audience’s emotions, attitudes and trust levels.
“This relational message, embedded within your content, sets the tone and determines how your information is received and embraced,” Samuel says.
Communication can only be reliable when it focuses on the humanness, she asserts.
“Ultimately, effective communication revolves around building and maintaining trust. When trust is nurtured, your audience is not merely open to what you say—they are willing to support it,” Samuel says. “Conversely, a lack of trust erects barriers, fostering resistance and hindering meaningful engagement.”
In brief, she concludes, communicators at any level need both of what Zwilling stated.
“The path to building trust and fostering understanding lies in mastering both the substance of your message and the emotional connection it forges,” Samuel contends. “Neglecting the relational aspect risks disconnecting from your audience, leading to disengagement and fractured collaboration.”
“As Keith Johnstone, a famous teacher of improv, famously says, ‘It's never about the thing. It's always about the relationship,” says Aaron Schmookler, the CEO and company culture engineer at The Yes Works, which helps organizations create a stronger company culture.
“It's so easy for us to get focused on the up-front content. We're trying to convince, prove a point, influence the other person. We're focused on the immediate outcome.
“What the other person — employee, vendor, client, wife, husband, child — hears, what they experience, is the impact on the relationship. They're hearing the answer to the question: ‘Is this person for me, or against me?’”
“Content drives information but relationships fuel engagement,” says Kimberly Best, a dispute resolution specialist and the founder at Best Conflict Solutions.
“Neglecting relationships can lead to decreased morale, high turnover, increased conflict and reduced productivity. While content expertise is important, it’s the relationships that matter for building trust, collaboration and sustainability.”
Communicating “at” people is not only suboptimal, it is dangerous Zwilling writes.
"Influence and collaboration trump command and control,“ he points out. “You can't hide behind your technical expertise or a formally-appointed role. To be a leader with influence, you must create a culture of engagement and participation through your language, in all channels."
It’s a point that many leaders might not be comfortable with or one about which they agree. It doesn’t matter. It’s reality.
“This is very nearly an objective truth,” Schmookler says. “Command and control can get you compliance. And compliance is fragile. If people think they can stop complying without it being noticed or without dire consequences, they'll almost always stop complying.”
Better, he says, to consider what Zwilling stated.
“When people are participating, acting with agency, then you can get enrollment,” Schmookler agrees. Since enrollment is an ‘opt-in,’ you can turn your back and people keep going in alignment with their commitments. They chose them after all, so why suddenly stop?”
It makes emotional sense.
“Autonomy, agency, an ability to be the author of one's destiny: These things get people engaged — and enduringly so — in their work,” he adds.
Management instead should be aiming for something higher level than persuasion and compliance, something that they can create and from which they can benefit.
“This is not an overstatement,” Best says. “Gone are the days where authority rules and that’s not a bad thing. Influence is related to respect. How we are perceived gives us credibility. Credibility builds trust and with trust we have influence. Note that power and control are not part of the equation of influence.”
“Command and control may have worked in environments where employees were perceived as needing strict oversight to function effectively,” Samuel says.
“When leaders adopt this approach, it conveys distrust and reflects their inability to create a sense of safety. The urge to control and micromanage signals a leadership style rooted in survival mode.”
Better to think and work differently, she advises.
“Leaders who prioritize influence and collaboration create an atmosphere that encourages creativity, intelligence and contributions from their teams. This fosters trust and a sense of safety, enabling individuals to go beyond their basic responsibilities and innovate.
“Without this trust and freedom, organizations risk stagnation, without breakthroughs or innovation. Productivity and performance flourish in environments built on trust.”
There has been a shift, Samuel says.
“Effective leadership today means moving away from fear and control and empowering individuals to motivate themselves.
“This necessitates communication that goes beyond mere information exchange to deeply connect with others. It involves shifting to two-way conversations where leaders and teams collaborate to define shared goals and intentions, fostering a culture of co-creation.”
This should not be considered a choice when considering what is available to executives and organizations.
“Only through this mutual dialogue can leaders effectively harness the collective intelligence and creativity of their teams, facilitating ongoing adaptation and innovation in a rapidly changing world,” Samuel declares.
To her, the benefits are too strong to dismiss and not pursue.
“I believe the effectiveness of influence and collaboration over command and control lies in creating an environment where trust, empowerment and mutual respect thrive,” Samuel says.
“While it may not be a universal truth, embracing these principles can lead to more adaptive and successful leadership practices tailored to modern organizational needs.”
"Message tone must align with your observable actions,” Zwilling writes. “With the pervasive use of video and instant messaging, people know when you are ‘walking the talk' or not. They sense whether your emotional tone is genuine and consistent with the words received. Relationships and your impact quickly break down if you revert to old default behaviors."
Tone is important. It can determine the temperature of the human reaction. Some people never learn this truth. Becoming more conscious of our tone and using it more intelligently and effectively can be challenging. Yet is something that can be learned. It just may not be as easy as we would like.
“This is damn hard,” Schmookler pointedly states. “We can hear ourselves, and yet, we cannot hear ourselves.”
He offers up strategies that can prove helpful, the first being listening, noticing and naming.
“Listen to yourself as avidly as you can. If you suspect, after you've said something, that your tone may have been harsh, bored, interrogational, intense or in any way conveyed a message you didn't intend, then name that before the other person can. And diffuse it as best you can.
"‘I'm sorry, I may have sounded disinterested. I want you to know, you have my full attention.’
"‘I'm sorry, that may have been a bit intense. As you can tell, I think this is really important.”
If possible, Schmookler recommends recording yourself.
“Zoom calls, for instance, are often recorded. As soon as you can after a call, while your experience is still fresh, go listen, without watching, to your voice and how you use it
“Get a buddy. Tell them, ‘I'm trying to learn to mind my tone.’ Ask them to help keep you honest. You can have them report back to you after interactions they've witnessed, or even give you a subtle visual cue anytime your tone diverges from where you told them you want it to be,” he says.
He does warn not to pick just anyone.
“Choose your person carefully. You want someone who is perceptive and who's not going to judge you or take advantage of the profound power you're giving them,” Schmookler says.
There is also the task of increasing our skills of observation and noticing better.
“Recognizing our tone and our impact on others is actually a piece of emotional intelligence,” Best says. “E.I. begins with self-awareness and includes self-regulation. We all need to grow. Learning where we need to grow by regular, trusted feedback is important for building relationships and for organizational growth.”
Samuel says it comes back to relational intelligence.
“It involves tuning in to the subtle cues of communication, understanding diverse perspectives and fostering an environment where trust and collaboration can flourish.
“Leaders with relational intelligence can connect authentically, resolve conflicts constructively and foster collective innovation.”
If management desires stronger, trusted relationships then it will focus on bringing people deeper into their interactions and do so more frequently.
"Maximize inclusion by asking open-ended questions. Inclusive questions allow team members to tap into their thoughtfulness and experience, whether they identify with the main theme or not,” Zwilling writes.
“Team responses give the leader important information for refining their content and adapting it to new contexts. Ask people to share personal perspectives,” he adds.
Management has to want to make the time and space to ask meaningful questions and listen closely to learn.
“Asking questions with curiosity helps us to learn what we don’t know that goes deeper than just information. We get a greater sense of context and greater depth of diverse viewpoints,” Best says.
“People function best, are more creative and collaborative, when they feel seen and heard. They know they matter – that they are relevant and significant.
“The time to listen carefully and understand without judgement builds safety. Safety is the key to opening honesty, collaboration, connection, creativity, trust and loyalty,” she teaches.
Inquisitiveness and the patience and willingness to listen are necessary to gain an understanding, a full and clear one.
“What's obvious to you may not be obvious to me. What's obvious to me may not be obvious to you,” Schmookler offers as a valuable reminder. “Perspective isn't only about skill, knowledge and experience. It's about the fact that we get different angles on the issue from different vantage points.”
Samuel suggests thinking about particular questions to explore curiosity:
“What creates transformative human experiences? How can we bring relational intelligence into the way we work together?
There is an enemy to building connections through smarter communication, Zwilling writes. "Avoid the impersonal and passive to close the gap. Relationships narrow the distance gap between leader and team or teams and customers.
‘Impersonal language forces listeners to make assumptions, interpretations and associations, resulting in misunderstandings and broken relationships. Passive is always the language of distance."
Narrowing the distance is a next-level approach. The byproducts of impersonal language are costly and not what leaders and organizations want. Passive language is problematic.
There must be a “strongest” driver for leaders to adopt a relationship approach to communication instead of defaulting to impersonal and passive.
“We're all tuned in for WIIFML: ‘What's in it for me?’” says Schmookler. “To have influence with others, they have to see what's in it for them. As Teddy Roosevelt said, ‘Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.’”
There is a confusing, adjacent issue he points out.
“What's less commonly understood about this concept: You don't know what I want. What you think I want may not be, likely is not, what I want,” Schmookler says.
“We think that others must want the same things we want; how could it be otherwise? And it's impossible to get tuned into the WIIFM of others without learning deeply from them, first what they value and desire: specifically, personally, idiosyncratically.”
He provides an example to additionally explain his point.
“You may think I want the promotion for the money, maybe for the clout in the organization,” Schmookler begins, going on to say, “What you don't know... My grandmother always thought my grandfather was worthy of the V.P. role that he never was given. I want her to live to see me earn that role because it will heal a quiet rift in her heart. And I'm unlikely to ever share that with you, unless you delve (deeply).”
If leaders can come to learn and appreciate the tangible results of increased personal and active communication, the odds are higher that they will buy into it and practice it as a habit.
“With good communication skills and conflict management systems, leaders are more likely to recognize the value of relationship-centered communication and commit to it long-term,” Best asserts.
“Demonstrating the clear link between this approach and improved business performance is a powerful motivator for change,” she has learned.
“Good leaders understand the importance of learning communication and conflict management skills and teaching them throughout their whole organization.”
Management knows what drives them. As Best says, it’s the bottom line and how to get there. It’s a point about which others agree.
“The strongest driver for leaders to adopt a relationship approach to communication instead of impersonal and passive methods” Samuel says, “lies in its profound impact on organizational effectiveness and success.”
She details the compelling reasons:
“Enhanced trust and engagement, improved clarity and understanding, facilitation of innovation and creativity, effective conflict resolution — relationship-oriented communication promotes constructive conflict resolution — and retention and satisfaction — employees and customers are more likely to remain loyal and satisfied when they feel valued and appreciated.”
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