Leader's Emotional Pain and Explosive Reaction
Jerry Jones shows how successful leaders can still feel badly by being doubted
Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is always, publicly, a confident leader. He enjoys talking about his franchise, winning and many say, being the center of attention.
He is used to his organization and leadership being questioned because the Cowboys have not been the ultimate winners — Super Bowl champions — in decades (1996) after a run of glory.
However, Jones hasn’t often shown himself to be highly triggered and negatively emotionally flooded, feeling attacked to the point of lashing out to the media, with anger and profanity because of feeling falsely judged and his identity as a master businessman and leader doubted or insulted.
How leaders respond in these types of situations is important and revealing as to their ability to manage stress effectively and successfully respond, not impulsively react.
Jones might be experiencing an overload of stress, considering the combination of ongoing criticism about his organization’s post-season failures, rumors of bad behavior with a younger woman, a case of parenting a child years ago and that woman suing Jones to be able to claim he is her dad and her make money for being his child, etc. That’s a lot to handle.
Maybe it’s not entirely surprising that Jones exploded when asked if he has plans in the near future of relinquishing his general manager responsibilities with his franchise.
"I've done it all. So I have an ordinate amount of confidence that, f*ck, if anybody can figure out how to get this sh*t done, I can figure out how to get it done," the 81-year-old Jones told Clarence E. Hill Jr. of DLLS.
"I've been there every which way from Sunday and I have busted my ass a bunch ... So, hell no, there's nobody that could f*cking come in here and do all the contracts ... and be a GM any better than I can."
That was a flurry of defensiveness for being questioned. No one likes to feel less than, even billionaires, especially when they believe and know that they are in the grand scheme of things, successfully with doing good work and being profitable for others and themselves.
Jones may not have had the emotional, psychological bandwidth to respond professionally and impressively or the executive presence tools in the moment from use of executive coaching or media coaching.
He did not like being viewed as less than fully competent or excellent at what he does. Jones felt unappreciated and not valued for his work in building a successful franchise.
He isn’t having people thinking that he’s not succeeding and doing the hard, solid work to achieve his objectives of excellence in his profession and business.
"I f*cking have had hundreds of (bad days)," he said, adding, "I'm emotional about it sometimes. Well, running this thing, that's who I want to make the last call. Now, when I can't f*cking think, when I'm old and I can't even do it ... but I'm a long way from not being able to do it, too.”
This comes across as pained and understandably so. It also shows Jones being highly egocentric, talking about himself and possibly, his overconfidence.
"The reason I don't let somebody else be the GM is because I don't have anybody that I will let do it to actually do it right,” Jones claims. “And they're gonna have to come to me and because I know where it is that you're going to pay for it."
Imagine how the leaders underneath him in the organization, mostly his adult children, feel after hearing Jones say what he did. If what he said is indeed accurate, isn’t that more a case of him not helping people be skilled enough to lead and him wanting to hold on to power, status and enjoyment? Plausible.
Leaders — especially owners, CEOs and COOs — are expected, right or wrong, to show themselves as capable of being poised and able to respond humbly and responsibly to questions, doubts, concerns and criticism.
Jones has often done so yet on this occasion he did not show his better self and himself as a confident person. He exhibited insecurity despite his claims to the contrary. Maybe those within his organization will respect his fiery demeanor yet the media, consumers of his brand and around the league fans may not quite find it as respectable and impressive.
Leaders can help themselves by realizing criticism always comes with the job when expectations are not being surpassed or met. That it’s just part of the position and an accompanying reality that accompanies the benefits that one receives from holding that role.
They can decide to commit to additionally work with a professional, if necessary, to learn and practice healthy stress responses, or self-learn.
So what now, for Jones?
How does he clean up this incident in the minds of critics?
Does he finger point and make other people’s lives in the organization miserable? Does he react distrustfully and angrily towards the media? Or does Jones decide to be introspective even more than normal, lick his wounds and decide what might be accurate and learn where he can improve and chase that improvement?
Can he endure what is not accurate, as most leaders have to do, and continue to do the work to meet or surpass expectations?
Learning to retain poise, developing or maintaining humility and communicating more respectfully and effectively with the media and public, especially the consumers (fans) of his company, can be arduous work yet it can be done and is expected, always.
Jones had a bad day, bad moment. He will survive it.
It was poor form and an overreaction yet he can learn from it, if he chooses and improve as a leader communicating to criticism.
Jones can also prove his doubters and critics’ beliefs about him and his leadership is incorrect, with the resolve that has helped him succeed in business for decades.
Jones has served as the Cowboys' general manager since purchasing the franchise in 1989. Those 34 seasons (and counting) have had high highs. He has to deliver the next dopamine hit to silence those who hurt him emotionally and psychologically.
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