Hearing What People Aren't Saying

Listening at a deeper level can often teach us what is critical to learn

We don’t always hear all that is being communicated. That, predictably, extends and amplifies problems and increases risks to situations and people. What if, however, we learned to listen more skillfully and observe better to detect something is amiss and explore through conversation to find valuable missing pieces to human interactions?

"You are a listener,” a boss told one of his employees. “You know how to really hear what people are saying.”

This, of course, made this professional feel good because they trusted the person communicating it. There was more to be said.

“You hear what people say,” this boss told her. “Now it’s time to listen to what people do not say out loud.”

You and I know that people do exactly that: they don’t express through words, everything that they know or are feeling. If we assume or presume we have the whole picture when we are rushed or disinterested, we are likely to err, maybe significantly.

The boss in this story, already impressed by his employee, sent them to another higher up in the organization, because he wanted her to continue to build on her skills and strengths.

He asked the other executive to teach his direct report “how to listen at a deeper level,” something the executive was an expert at doing.

While this leader was a compliance officer, the skill is universally valuable in any profession. “A good compliance professional listens,” the executive told the employee.

“We listen to every word someone tells us: about a problem, a fear, a worry, a wrongdoing on the job.”

As for the “how” the executive provided details.

“Look them in the eye. Let yourself feel what they’re feeling. Watch their gestures, their tone of voice, their body language. Hear the words they aren’t saying yet, the secrets they’re worried about, the anxieties,” she said. “They might not say it all in words, but listen for their deepest, inner feelings.”

People are feeling a lot more than they communicate. What they aren’t saying can be necessary puzzle pieces interactions or relationships of any kind. Just because words aren’t being expressed doesn’t mean that they aren’t important or needed communication. To believe otherwise is often problematic and at times, dangerous.

Learning how to effectively listen “deeper” as a habit, for the right reasons, allows us to operate at a higher level of understanding.

“She taught me how to listen not just with my ears, but also with my heart,” the employee said. “She is so good. So really, really good. I listen to her words, and now I also listen to her feelings, her insights, her suspicions. I can really, really listen now.”

This newsletter normally publishes Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday, with occasional articles on other days. To advertise, link to your business, sponsor an article or section of the newsletter or discuss your affiliate marketing program, contact CI.