Getting Communication Timing 'Right'
How to do it and the desirable available benefits
When we communicate can be vitally important. The timing may make a difference between effectiveness and efficiency or a disappointing, uncertain interaction and unwanted outcome.
"Communicating an idea or concern whenever it suits you can be problematic,” wrote Michelle Gibbings. a workplace expert, author and keynote speaker.
"Why? Because the art of successfully communicating is not just about you. It’s also about the other people involved in the conversation. What may be the right time for you may not be the right time for them.”
Keeping this in mind and adjusting for it can create improved interactions.
"When you consciously select your timing, you put your emotional intelligence to work to actively foster connection, elevate trust and support decision-making,” Gibbings wrote.
Christy Whitman, a master coach, author and founder at the Quantum Success Coaching Academy, illustrates the common challenges, through an example involving the relationship with her husband.
“I’m more of a morning person. He comes alive at night. We would be sitting there and I usually do my three warnings of, ‘I’ve got to go to bed,’ and then I wait a little bit. I say, ‘I’ve got to go to bed.’ Usually, on the third time, I’m like, ‘I’ve got to go to bed.’ Right before I make that announcement or even between, he used to say, ‘I talked to the accountant and he needs this and this.’ I would be like, ‘Are you kidding me?’” she explained.
“I am winding down and that jolt of Information because I’m such an 'accomplishment' junkie, now I’m thinking about it like a dog with a bone. Now I’ve got this to do. I couldn’t go to sleep because now I’ve got to get this for the accountant. Instead of going to bed, I would then go downstairs to the office and get what I needed for the accountant.”
Whitman realizes that she and her husband are wired differently and the way to make communication work the best for each of them as individuals and the relationship has to specifically tailored to who they are as people first, to benefit the collective.
“My mind doesn’t work that way. The same thing with him,” she wrote. “I can’t wake him up in the morning and go, ‘I need to talk to you. Are you going to drive the kids to school? I’m going to go to the gym. Leslie is going to come over and we’re going to go to breakfast.’ He’d be like, ‘Too much information in the morning.’”
We don’t always know what we don’t know when it comes to skillfully timing communication for the best chance of it becoming successful.
Getting it wrong happens. Determining better, or ideal timing, is possible.
“If you sense resistance or discomfort, take a step back instead of pushing forward,” recommends says Jameca Woody Cooper, PhD, a board-certified counseling psychologist, who helps adults with communication issues.
“Also, asking, ‘Is now a good time to talk about something important?’ can go a long way. This respects the other person’s boundaries and gives them agency in the conversation.”
Developing an approach that will be respected and helpful can be accomplished.
“Assess the main variables before initiating a conversation,” Woody Cooper says. “Check the RAG: Are you and the other party Ready and rested? Is the Atmosphere and energy right? What is your Goal for the communication?”
There is a lot of value to consider when it comes to the “what’s in it for me” question.
“The benefits of proper communication timing include: increased receptiveness to messages, improved understanding, better decision-making, stronger relationships, reduced misunderstandings, enhanced trust, and the ability to adapt communication to the appropriate situation, allowing for more effective delivery of information…” per Google AI.
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