A Smarter Way to Approach How You Interact in a Room
Don't overthink it or work to change people's minds about you because 'It's too exhausting and it's too disappointing'
Maybe it’s smarter and better when walking into a professional setting to work on being confident of your value and providing it than playing small and attempting to fit in. Choose that opportunity, says one accomplished executive.
"What is the point of being 'in,' if you can't make a difference?” rhetorically asked Bozoma Saint John.
The former global chief marketing officer at Netflix, chief business officer at Uber, head of marketing at Apple Music & iTunes and member of the Marketing Hall of Fame, spoke about how to frame one’s thinking when entering an important room.
"I don’t walk into any environment and think I’m going to change anyone's mind about what they think about me,” Saint John admitted. “That's just too much work. It's too exhausting and it's too disappointing.
“Because it's painful and people are going to assume what they want of you,” she told Allison Kluger’s Stanford Graduate School of Business class, Reputation Management: Strategies for Successful Communicators.
Saint John’s strategy doesn’t play the game of impression management, which she sees as limited, pointless thinking, misplaced effort and a poor use of time.
"If you spend all of your time trying to convince them otherwise, you're going to waste your time,” she told the class.
Saint John developed an approach that has paid greater dividends in her success and allowed her to, even with the natural nerves of the moment, to feel greater peace.
"I'd rather work on myself, making sure that I quell the fears of showing up as myself,” she recommends. “Never try to assimilate, just be yourself. I'd rather spend time working on myself than spend effort making others like me."
Responsibly controlling what you can control and bringing your assertiveness and best value into a room and conversations can take you further than being timid and hoping to be accepted or not disliked.
The reason is simple and the alternative of hoping to be safe is unfulfilling, as Saint John offered as a reminder, “it's too disappointing” and “Because it's painful and people are going to assume what they want of you.”
Publisher Note: this article first appeared in Reputation Intelligence on June 6th, 2025.
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